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 I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG

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JamietheFlameUser
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PostSubject: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Sun Oct 11, 2009 6:44 pm

Ok, so here's the start of a fanfic, which I haven't titled yet, and might never title. I don't entirely know where this is going, but I have some ideas. Please tell me if you think it's decent/good/horrible.

Chapter 1: A Psynergetic Mishap.

It was night-time in Vale (it had been rebuilt after their journey, in the exact same place it had been before), and Jenna was feeling restless, so she was sitting on the roof. Usually, at this time she would be experimenting with Psynergy, or doing practice with her staff (she was wielding Atropos' Rod). However, the full moon caused her to think how pretty it was, at which point she ended up in a long and random random train of thought, as a bored person's mind is prone to, involving Luna, the Anemos, and Sheba's birthplace. Could Sheba really be an Anemos? This wasn't something she usually concerned herself with, but she was bored.

Suddenly she got a strange feeling. It wasn't a feeling of extra strength, such as from Impact, or any other stat boost. It didn't feel like a stat reduction either. Maybe it was the feeling of someone watching her? That may have been part of it, but it certainly wasn't all of it.

Suddenly, she remembered: Psynergy! Someone was using Psynergy on her!
Seems like it's probably Mind Read, she thought to herself. However, that meant that she was also thinking to whoever was Mind Reading her. This wasn't a concept she particularly enjoyed.
Dang, it took me far too long to figure that out! she thought.

She then threw up a mental barrier, a sort of "firewall" if you will (for it does have a fiery effect on the person who's reading your mind.) Suddenly, she heard a scream of pain.
That sounded like Ivan! I wonder if he's OK, she thought.

She leaped down from the roof of her house to find Ivan lying on the ground quivering. His eyes were staring blankly into nothingness.
This is just great, she thought, now I've gone and knocked him unconscious! It looks like I got him good, too.

Chapter 2: Ivan's Revival.

Jenna quickly rushed the unconscious Ivan to the Sanctum.
"What happened to this boy?" asked the Great Healer.
"He was using Mind Read on me," answered Jenna.
"And?"
"I essentially knocked him out with his own Psynergy."
"Clever move. Perhaps you should try not using it on your friends?"
Jenna glared angrily at the Great Healer. "How was I supposed to know it was him?"
"Perhaps you should look before you fry his brains out."
"Yeah, yeah, just revive him already."
"That will be 200 coins, please," said the Great Healer.
Jenna handed him the money.
"Then I call upon my healing powers..."
Just do it already, thought Jenna.

Ivan woke up slowly, wondering where he was. And why was he lying on the floor? He opened his eyes, but couldn't see anyway, for there weren't many torches in the room, and it was dark. All he could see were the silhouettes of people around him. He cast Reveal to get a better look, and saw Jenna and the Great Healer.

"Ah! Ivan, you're awake! I got you good there," said Jenna in a concerned voice.
"What did you hit me with anyway? I remember I was reading your mind, then a burning pain engulfed my consciousness, and all I could see was flames in front of my vision, and all of my other senses too."
"I guess you learned not to Mind Read a Mars Adept, huh?" Jenna sounded almost proud of herself. This annoyed Ivan greatly.
"I know Call Dullahan!" he threatened.
"You wouldn't really do that to me, would you?" asked Jenna, almost pleadingly.
"Give me a good reason not to!" he retorted.
"No fighting in the Sanctum!" cautioned the Great Healer.
"Yeah, let's take this outside," agreed Jenna.

Chapter 3: Friendly Fire.

Ivan and Jenna went outside the Santum so they could settle their score.

"Don't think I'll go easy on you!" cautioned Jenna.
"Why would I think that?" asked Ivan.

However, they did end up going easy on each other, to a small extent.
"Dire Inferno!" shouted Ivan, as a fiery portal appeared in the sky and dropped a huge fireball on Jenna.
In return, Jenna hit Ivan with Thunderhead, the Ninja class series' most powerful multi-target move.
"Why are you going easy on me?" asked Jenna.
"Why are you going easy on me?!?" retorted Ivan.
"Because I don't want to have to pay 200 coins to revive you again!" answered Jenna.

Suddenly, the Tisiphone Edge that Ivan was wielding roared out "Vengeance!".
A strange, ghostly archer appeared where Ivan had been standing and pounded Jenna with what felt like a million arrows.

"Ungh! Owch, that hurt, you!" shouted Jenna.

Isaac heard the shout from Jenna, along with the scream of Ivan's Tisiphone Edge.
He ran to the scene and shouted: "What in Sol's fury is going on here!?!"

Jenna blushed. Ivan stuttered:
"Umm, J–Jenna and I h... had gotten into a bit of a d–dispute."
"Would you like me to settle it for you?!" Isaac responded angrily. "I was asleep before you guys started blasting each other with Thunderheads and Searing Beams."

He didn't have his weapon out, and both thought he had the Sol Blade with him.
"Um, no thanks. I don't feel like getting hit with Megiddo," Ivan responded nervously.
"I... I'll just be going back to bed right now..." stuttered Jenna.
"I don't have the Sol Blade, so I was going to hit you with Grand Gaia instead," said Isaac.

Ivan and Jenna both ran for their lives back to their beds.

Chapter 4: Foreshadowing.

The next morning, Jenna went to see Ivan (he was staying at the Inn).

"Hello Jenna!" called Ivan.
"Good morning, Ivan!" said Jenna. "I've been meaning to ask you, why were you reading my mind last night?"
"Oh yeah, I had something to tell you. Agatio and Karst are back."
"WHAAAT!?! But we killed them!!!"
"Apparently the light of the Lighthouse saved them too. It doesn't make sense to me either."
"Are they after us?"
"Not yet. I heard them mention something about saving Saturos and Menardi, but I think that they're just insane."
"Saving Saturos and Menardi? That's not good. Maybe we should alert the others," said Jenna, and she and Ivan left the Inn.

Chapter 5: Of Gluttony and Fireballs.

Meanwhile, Garet was being a food addict as usual, when suddenly he was grabbed by the arm and yanked away. He turned to see his older sister Kay's face.
"Umm... Hello?" muttered Garet, looking quite terrified.
"STOP EATING ALL THE FOOD! I HAVEN'T HAD BREAKFAST YET!!!" shrieked Kay.
"Your point?"
"THERE'S NOT ENOUGH FOOD LEFT FOR ME TO EVEN HAVE BREAKFAST!!!" she screamed. "YOU'VE JUST EATEN 1800 COINS WORTH OF FOOD!"
"P–P–Please d... don't kill me!" stuttered Garet, looking into her demonic red eyes.
"DRAGON FUME!!!" she shrieked.
"Oh, for the love of..." Garet's voice trailed off amid the sound of roaring flames and burning wood, for the kitchen table had caught fire.
"Please don't! You'll burn our house down!" exclaimed the mayor.

Garet RAN FOR HIS LIFE out the door, and Kay's Dragon Fume ended up hitting the floor, setting the whole place ablaze. Fortunately, Garet happened to be equipped with the Douse Drop, and he put out the fire.

Garet then decided to go FAR AWAY from his house, where Kay was still in a berserk rage. He was walking through town somewhat aimlessly when he spotted his little brother Aaron practising Psynergy.

"Flare!" shouted Aaron, as a small fire appeared and burned a small section of shrubbery.
"Practising Psynergy, huh Aaron?"
"Yeah, but I don't know how you do that thing where you move large pillars around without your hands."
"You mean Move?" asked Garet.
"Yeah, that. I can create flames, but I can't figure out how to Move objects. It's a shame, too, cause I'd really like to crush my bossy sister's flowers."
"I wouldn't try that right now. She nearly burned the house down!"
"What'd you do this time, Garet?"
"She claims I ate all the food in the house!"
"You probably did, but it looks like you've had enough fire for today."

Suddenly, a dark shadow fell over Vale...
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 12, 2009 4:32 pm

Oh, that is nice. I can see those chapters are pretty much an intro into what's coming next by your last line. Good Luck!
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:38 pm

Cool, this is pretty good! It seems like something that would actually happen in the game (except I would have imagined Sheba, not Ivan fighting Jenna). I like this...

I just have one question though, why did you switch Ivan to use Mars psynergy and Jenna to use Jupiter?

Have a nice day, and good luck.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 12, 2009 9:55 pm

Because they're going easy on each other! Jenna is in the Ninja class series and Ivan is the Necromage class.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:17 pm

I'm guessing this is more of a light-hearted fic? Not a full comedy, I'm guessing, but it's not like it's trying to be an epic tale or anything. Still, keep up the good work.

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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:20 pm

Yeah, it's not supposed to be too dark, but not too much comedy. I'm trying to strike the perfect balance.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 13, 2009 1:37 am

So I noticed. Not bad so far, though I'm guessing this is one of your first Fanfics?

I remember my first one... my God, I'm glad I burned the darned thing... C>

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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:27 am

Yeah, this is actually my first fanfic. You burned yours? Was it really that bad? :shock:
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 13, 2009 1:46 pm

I made the canon characters act how I wanted them to act, not how they were supposed to act (thus, they were WAAAAY out of character), and I basically totally missed the point in what should have been a Digimon Fic by making the people the focus of the combat, etc...

It was just... Really, really bad. Five bucks says you'll look back to this one in five years and never want to claim it as yours, either. All writers do that - look back on their own work, and are embarrassed by it.

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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Sun Oct 25, 2009 4:06 pm

I thought it said that there was a new post here... Odd.

Anyway, I suppose it depends on the type of work, since after having taken a break from my book, I still found it good, so... Perhaps it is mainly with those that are based on other characters (whether knowingly or subconsciously), because the only major part that I removed was... Well, I will tell you about it when I get my book published (I almost have an idea to use to continue from where I left off).

Enough about the book. Jamie? Are you going to continue this fansic any time soon?

Have a nice day.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Sun Oct 25, 2009 4:10 pm

I have been, slowly. Working on chapters 6 and 7 now.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Sun Oct 25, 2009 4:19 pm

Oh cool. I am looking forward to the next chapters.

Have a nice day.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:56 pm

I'm posting chapter 6 now, but even though I've finished Chapter 7, I'm going to leave a cliff hanger for you!

Chapter 6: Agatio and Karst

Meanwhile, on the continent of Gondowan, near Venus Lighthouse:

"Why are we heading this way again?" asked Agatio.

"Because Venus Lighthouse is where Saturos and Menardi died," answered Karst. "And we are going to see if it is possible to revive them, remember?"

"Oh, yeah!" said Agatio.

"Idiot," muttered Karst.

"What was that?!?" shouted Agatio.

"Nothing for you to be concerned about," answered Karst, and she quickened her pace.

"Hey, don't speed up!" Agatio called out.

"We'll never get there at the rate we were going," said Karst. Life would be a lot easier if we had a Teleport Lapis, she thought.

"And why is that?" asked Agatio.

"Because we're going at a snail's pace!" answered Karst angrily. "Moron" she muttered to herself.
"Looks like we're here," said Agatio, when Venus Lighthouse loomed above their heads.

"Tell me something I don't know," retorted Karst. And they went inside.

Agatio came across a door blocking the way, so he smashed it into non-existance with Rolling Flame.

"Destroying everything won't help for all the puzzles, you know," remarked Karst.

"So?" replied Agatio.

"Don't go blowing everything up," answered Karst.

"Why not?" asked Agatio.

"You could destroy an important switch," answered Karst.

"Important switch?" asked Agatio. "You mean like this one here?" And he blew it into smithereens with Rolling Flame.

"You IDIOT!" shouted Karst, as the sand flows all started going at once.

"Well, at least we can continue," remarked Agatio.

And so they went through the Lighthouse, with Karst occasionally getting to solve the puzzles before Agatio destroyed them, until they finally reached the top.

"Well, they aren't here," said Agatio.

"Of course not, you dimwit! They fell INTO THE BEACON!" shouted Karst.

"So then why did we come here?" asked Agatio.

"Because you said to!" retorted Karst.

"I guess we should look in the beacon then," said Agatio.

"If you want to," said Karst in a condescending voice.

Agatio, being the idiot that he is, did just that. However, he saw nothing there, though to his surprise, he could see the bottom.

"They aren't there," said Agatio.

"You honestly expect to see them? They're at the VERY BOTTOM!" replied Karst angrily.

"That's just the thing, I could see the bottom," responded Agatio.

Karst looked down into the beacon, and sure enough, she could see the bottom. And Saturos and Menardi were nowhere to be found, and neither were the shredded, fried remains she expected to see after the beacon went through them...


Last edited by JamietheFlameUser on Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:49 pm

Oh cool. I like this fanfic. I think you could probably make this a very good story. In fact, if you were to change all of the names and a tiny bit of the plot, you could probably make your own book.

One tip though. When a character is thinking, you should make their text italics or something, just to make it easier for the reader to distinguish between the narration and the character.

Have a nice day.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:55 pm

I usually do. Did I miss some? I could go fix that right now.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 26, 2009 6:12 pm

Very nice. Anyway, when can we expect the next chapter Jamie?

Have a nice day.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 26, 2009 6:18 pm

Well, here's my guess on what could happen.:

Menardi and Saturos fell through a warp at the bottom.

Someone else rescued them.

They are invincible.

They climbed out.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 26, 2009 6:37 pm

There's also another option: Plot device.

Mia - Huh? What are you two doing here?
Menardi - Unfortunately for you, we were saved by a Plot Hole.
Saturos - Funny how those things seem to show up when you need them most.

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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:17 pm

Here, another chapter for you guys to make plot hole remarks about. XD

Chapter 7: Saturos and Menardi?

Back in Vale:

"Did you say something about FIRE?!?" said a voice.

"This can't be good..." whispered Aaron nervously.
Suddenly, a ring of ground around them burst into flame.

"Huh? Fire doesn't just appear for no reason," said Garet, confused.

"Oh, he's figured it out," said the voice, in a rather sarcastic tone.

"He's more intelligent than I remember," said a second voice.

"Those are Saturos and Menardi's voices!" exclamed Garet.

"I'm surprised he remembers," said Menardi's voice, in a sarcastic tone.

"Garet, do you have the Douse Drop?" asked Aaron.

"Yeah, I'd completely forgotten about that!" answered Garet.
Garet used Douse to put out a section of the blaze, so that he and Aaron could run past.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," Saturos stepped out of the shadows, and knocked out Aaron in one hit with Heat Flash.

"Aaron, no!" shouted Garet. He looked behind him, but Menardi had blocked that route. "Uh oh, there's no escape!"

Garet tensed for the fight, faced partially towards Saturos, and partially towards Menardi.

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Death Scythe!!!" screamed Menardi, as she took Garet down in one hit with the move.

Saturos and Menardi walked away from the defeated Aaron and Garet...
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 27, 2009 12:53 am

Uhh, no one else was there? Hmm, it would seem with all that noise someone would have came, but oh well, lol.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:30 am

yes, it semms very suspicious
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:23 pm

Chapter 8: The Fusion Dragon's Return

As Saturos and Menardi were walking away from Garet and Aaron, they were ambushed by an angry Isaac!

"What did you do to Garet?!?" shouted Isaac. "You'll pay for hurting my friend!"

"Death Scythe!" shouted Menardi, and Isaac was down in one hit.

Jenna, Felix and Ivan came running in, and Aaron happened to wake up behind Saturos and Menardi.

"What did you do to Isaac?" cried Jenna. Meanwhile, Felix revived him.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Ivan.

"We are doing this because you are in the way of Alex conquering Weyard!" answered Menardi.

"Alex brought us back. We owe our lives to him," explained Saturos.

"Which is why you have to die!" shouted Menardi.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, sister," said a voice seemingly out of nowhere.

"Karst?" cried Menardi.

"Yes, sister. If you are planning on assisting in the abuse of alchemy, then as a warrior of Prox I am forced to destroy you," said Karst as she stepped out of the shadows.

"This is madness!" exclaimed Saturos.

"No, what you are doing is madness, Saturos," replied Agatio, as he stepped out of the shadows.

"And for this, we're on Agatio and Karst's side!" said Jenna.

"You creeps ready to die?" asked Isaac.

"We cannot take on this many at once. Not in our current form," said Saturos.

"Then are we going to—" started Menardi.

"We have to," interrupted Saturos.

"Uh oh, not this again," muttered Ivan.

"This can't be good," said Jenna in a nervous voice.

"Revive!" shouted Isaac as he revived the unconscious Garet.

"Ugh, what happened?" grunted Garet as he got up.

"We have to fight these two again," answered Ivan.

"Ugh, these two creeps? Why couldn't Isaac have let me sleep through this?"

"Yeah, you really should have. He won't be that much help anyway! Joy"

"Was that Sheba? What in all of Weyard is she doing here?" asked Garet.

"I came by to make sure you hadn't gotten yourself killed yet," answered Sheba.

"Now it's time for you nuisances to all die!" shouted Saturos and Menardi as they merged into the Fusion Dragon.

"We're going to make this monstrosity regret not being Venus elemental!" shouted Jenna. "Isaac, Felix, I'm going to need your help." And with that, they linked hands.

"Cruel Ruin!!!" shouted Jenna, Isaac, and Felix all at the same time.

The three of them ascended into the sky amid a sphere of Venus energy, and let loose a profusion of beams of earth power. The Fusion Dragon was engulfed by one of these beams, as the rest nearly tore Vale to pieces.

"Perhaps we ought to continue this elsewhere?" suggested Ivan.

"You're right, but I don't think we can lure the Fusion Dragon away from this place," answered Jenna.

The Fusion Dragon then leapt into the sky, and came crashing down like a giant meteor.

"Uh oh, not Outer Space!" cried Ivan, as the party rushed to dodge the attack.

"Flash, come on out!" shouted Garet, as a Djinni appeared and guarded the party with an aura of flames.

The Dragon came crashing on to the party, but had little effect, aside from destroying a few houses.

"Aura!" shouted Aaron, as he used the Psynergy to heal the party.

"Call Dullahan!" shouted Ivan, and the Dullahan himself appeared and struck the foe with a giant lightning blade attack known as Formina Sage.

"Freeze Prism!" shouted Sheba, as a barrage of giant hailstones rained down on Fusion Dragon.

"Death Scythe!" cried Karst, as she struck the foe with a mighty blow of her scythe.

"Rising Dragon!" shouted Agatio, as the Fusion Dragon was carried high in the air by a serpent of flame. The fire serpent then exploded, dropping the Dragon to the ground far below.

The Fusion Dragon roared loudly, then blew a blast of purple flames onto the party.

"This isn't ending fast enough," remarked Jenna. "Annihilation!" she screamed, as she struck the enemy hard with her staff, and a Kanji appeared in mid-air.

Suddenly, Felix's Sol Blade screamed "Megiddo!", and it took control of Felix's body. Felix did an unnaturally high jump, and a miniature sun came out of the sky at Felix. He hit it downwards, and it crashed into the Fusion Dragon with a large explosion.

"Call Dullahan!" shouted Ivan, as he summoned the Dullahan to attack again.

Aaron healed the party with Aura again, so that they could survive the Dragon's next attack.

The Lachesis' Rule Sheba was wielding suddenly screamed "Apocalypse!" and what looked to be a goddess version of Sheba appeared and struck the enemy with a giant ribbon.

Garet's Excalibur suddenly howled out "Legend!" and a portal appeared in the air and fired three ghostly swords down at the Fusion Dragon.

Karst shouted "Death Scythe!" and struck the Fusion Dragon with the move.

The Fusion Dragon let out a roar of pain, and dissolved back into the defeated forms of Saturos and Menardi.

"We did it!" exclaimed Ivan.

"Yeah, they weren't all that tough," said Jenna.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 27, 2009 3:39 pm

Cool! Also, I like the idea of Garet's brother being able to heal. PLEASE keep this up for as long as you can.

Sheba seemed kind of mean though, lol.

Have a nice day.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 27, 2009 3:41 pm

Sheba was teasing. (Hence the Joy emote.)
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Join date : 2009-10-01
Age : 22
Location : Yoshi's Island

PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   Tue Oct 27, 2009 3:42 pm

Oh yeah, I can see that now.

Well, I know that you probably want to take a break, but when can we expect the next chapter?

Have a nice day.
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PostSubject: Re: I actually started a Fanfic! ZOMG   

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